How I talk to my husband

by Joanna on February 15, 2012

We had a great Valentine’s Day!  I’m looking forward to sharing it with you all probably tomorrow or Friday.  For now, some thoughts I had on Monday.

Most of the time, my words towards my husband are warm, caring, gentle, loving, encouraging, happy, complimentary, cheerful, appreciative, or pleasant.  I say a lot of “thank you” and “I love you” or just give him a big hug and say “mmm.” This afternoon when we met to hand-off our car, the first thing I said to him was “you look so sexy in a suit.”  So most of the time, I speak kindly to Mike.

But then there are other times when my comments are snappy, short, biting, or accompanied with an eye-roll. These lines of snappiness come out so quickly that I don’t even realize I’m saying them until it’s already stung. And they hurt my husband. I don’t want to speak to any person like that and certainly not Mike.

I don’t know where they come from either. Two examples:

  1. While we were making the cake balls, Mike asked where the sprinkles were. I said “here” or something along those lines and when he turned around and looked for them on the other counter, couldn’t find them and asked again I pointed with head and eyes and said “they’re right here” and rolled my eyes as he picked them up.
  2. This morning I was sitting in bed blogging when Mike came in and turned the heat on. Within 5 minutes, I was really hot and snapped saying something like “it’s so hot in here, can you please turn the heat off?” with a tone of serious urgency. When Mike was like “uh, yeah, sure, what’s with the attitude?” I replied by saying “it’s just so hot in here I can’t stand it” and proceeded to storm out of the room saying that it was “frickin’ ridiculous.”

Like, why do I this?  Clearly, none of these things deserve attitude.  And honestly, sharing my behavior here is a little embarrassing. Luckily, Mike is pretty easy going and lets things roll right off his back. But that doesn’t make these outbursts ok.

I don’t want to get in the habit of treating my husband like this regardless of how infrequent these things are. So what do I do? Try to take a deep breath to compose myself before I make a rude remark? Apologize instantly if I let one slip out? Try to be uber-aware of my facial expressions and keep my eye rolls to a minimum?

I’d love to know:

Do you have moments where you’re snappy like this?  Where do they come from and why do we act like this? How do you rein it in? 





{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Leslie February 16, 2012 at 9:00 am

Yes, I do this too and hate when I do it, but haven’t figured out how to chill out before doing so. It’s very embarrassing after the fact, that’s for sure.


2 Chrissy Norelli February 17, 2012 at 11:43 am

When you figure it out, update and let us all know… It’s good that Mike calls you out for it, so you’ll be aware of situations that trigger it and you can hopefully reign it in.


3 Amber March 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

Great post – don’t you hate how attitude sneaks into your tone of voice, even when (had you paused for a second) you never would have allowed it? I’m totally guilty, and especially with my husband. Congrats on your blog – check mine out when you get a chance,


4 Joanna March 7, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Thanks, Amber! I know, I hate that. I’m always so embarrassed after.


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