Imagine having a baby

by Joanna on June 21, 2012

Friday night Mike and I were out to dinner and I had this thought “I can’t imagine us having a baby right now.” (Yes, I realize this seems contradictory to what I told you two weeks ago.)

For some reason this image of us carrying a baby in a car seat walking down Barrack’s Row popped into my head as I sat at a high-top table in the window at Matchbox, enjoying a glass a wine across from my husband on a gorgeous Friday evening.

Initial Reactions

OMG, I can’t imagine carrying a baby around, I thought. I can’t imagine having to worry about someone else 24-7.

Half the time I’m too tired to wash the dishes after dinner, where will I find the energy to take care of a baby?

I can hardly get myself together in the morning; I’m always doing a million things. How will I be able to get a baby ready for the day when half the time I’m rushing to get a lunch together before I head out the door. (I almost missed the bus the other day because Justin Beiber was on the Today Show. I mean, hello?! Does that sound like mom material to you? I think not.)

I know that you make room in your life for a baby, that your routine and schedule just shift to make it work. But I don’t want to not be able to do things we like to do because we have a baby and his or her schedule trumps everything.

And no, of course your life doesn’t have to stop when you have a baby. You can still be social and do things, just take the baby with you.

I was actually surprised and inspired by the number of couples I saw with babies strapped on them as we hiked in Great Falls. Yes! I want that to be us.  I want to still be out and about when we have a baby.

I’d love to hold a baby and cuddle with a baby–someone else’s baby that I can give back.  That would be nice.

But having a baby indefinitely… I can’t wrap my head around that.

After thinking about this for almost a week, here’s why…

I enjoy my life as it is right now and feel like I’m on the cusp of some major self discovery. I struggled a lot after college graduation trying to figure everything out and felt very lost at times.  But I’ve learned so much about myself in the last 6-9 months, and am starting to see the light at the end of my quarter-life crisis tunnel. I’m really enjoying this time, being selfish and focusing almost all of my energy on myself and what I want.

When I imagine having a baby, I’m older and have my act together.  I have a solid routine, my apartment is clean. I’m full of energy.  I can stay up til 10. I imagine I’m like 35 or what I think I’ll be when I’m 35: totally with it and put together. I like to feel like I’m with it and put together right now and that I’ve got a lot of things figured out, but where I’m at currently and the level I see myself at when I’m a mom are a few steps apart.

And right now, I’m really enjoying the process of figuring it all out.

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[as you can imagine I have many more thoughts where these came from…perhaps a part II and even III are in order]

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jen June 21, 2012 at 9:22 am

We waited to have our sweet Sophia. I would like to say that we have our life together, but at 32 we still don’t. The good news – I wouldn’t change a thing. Although there are challenges with a little one, it does get easier!

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2 Sam June 21, 2012 at 10:24 am

This post spoke to me.

I’m very much on the baby train. John’s not quite there yet– thinking that we couldn’t afford it just yet. So I put together a spreadsheet of how I thought we could afford the minimum $1,000/month for child care, diapers, ect. It seemed doable maybe within a year or so.

Then it occured to me. Twins run in my family. What happens if I have twins? There’s no way we could afford two babies….

And then I went through the list of things that maybe I didn’t think of including what if the baby(ies) has a major birth defect or cystic fibrosis? How would that change our lives? Would we have to move home to be closer to one of our families? Would I have to quit my dream job? Would we have to sell our new house which we love?

Another epiphany. You can’t plan for the uncertanties. The only thing that really matters is if you are emotionally ready. You have the maturity that comes with the ability to adapt to drastic life changes, and appreciate the positives that major changes bring.

I appreciate your self-awareness when it comes to your decision to wait. Truth be told, there will never be a perfect time. When it’s right, the “what-ifs” won’t matter as much as they do now. Emotional readiness is all one can really ever hope for.

Keep up the soul-searching!

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3 Joanna June 22, 2012 at 7:05 am

That’s one of the most scary things about thinking about having a baby–the what ifs. There are so many! I’ve definitely had fears like that before and still do sometimes! And I can only imagine how many I’ll have when I’m actually pregnant.

Thinking about it rationally now, I try to remind myself that those things are so rare, that most children are born healthy and in tact. And I guess the only thing I can hope is that if we do find ourselves in a situation like that, that God will give us the strength and grace to get through it and find peace in it. And have confidence that “Future-Jo” and “Future-Mike” will figure it out.

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4 Chrissy Norelli June 21, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I always thought I wanted to have kids young, and although I still do.. it’s amazing what I’ve given up for Oakley already! This morning is a perfect example. Justen and I were cuddling in bed (something we don’t do very often now that we’re both working… I understand why you’re in bed so early!) and it was so nice. Eventually, he got up to shower and I layed there with my eyes shut thinking how nice it was. Not a minute later, Oakley was barking up a storm. The moment was short lived. I can imagine that it’s even more stressful with a child.

BUT… Someone once told me that she was talking with her mom about how she wanted to be financially stable and have everything in order before she had a child, and her mom said if you wait for that day the years will fly by and it’ll be too late. Everything will fall into place whenever that time comes.

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5 Joanna June 22, 2012 at 7:01 am

I know what you mean! That’s why we don’t have a dog yet, though Mike would LOVE one.

A friend’s mom said something similar to be: she said that she had a baby relatively young and she always thought it would’ve been better if they had waited until they felt they had enough money for a baby. But she said if we had done that, maybe we would’ve never had kids! She said you just figure it out. And over the years her husband has been very successful so it all worked out.

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6 Maria June 22, 2012 at 1:23 am

You don’t have to bring your baby with you to dinner – that’s what babysitters are for :)

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7 Joanna June 22, 2012 at 6:55 am

Haha, so true! That is definitely one thing I want to be comfortable with when I have a baby–leaving my kid with someone else. I want to make dates a priority when we have a baby so that we can continue to nurture our relationship.

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8 Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy June 22, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I’m with ya! I’m getting married in July, and I already have baby fever, but I don’t think I’m ready for my own yet! My friend always says it’d be fun if they had “Rent a Baby” so you could try it out for a few days, haha.

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9 Joanna June 22, 2012 at 6:43 pm

That would be wonderful! I’d love to hold a baby for an hour!

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10 Jordan June 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

I read a post somewhere (I wish I remember where) and the author basically said something similar to Jen – you’re never prepared, younger or older, but you’ll make room. I do think it’s great that you are maximizing your selfish time now because once you have one…it’s a minute experience.

AND – you can hold mine whenever! (Although Squirmy isn’t interested in being held anymore, unless it’s his hand while he runs in circles…lol)

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