[two questions] friends in relationships

by Joanna on September 4, 2012

Ooo, it’s tough getting back into the routine after a nice three-day weekend.

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship recently so I thought friendship in relation to relationships would be a good topic for two questions this week.

How are you a friend to your s.o.?

I’ve been thinking about how to answer this question since I came up with it last night.  I guess the fact that I have to think about it makes it a good question?

Mike and I were friends for almost 5 years before we started dating junior year of high school.  Prior to dating, our friendship consisted mostly of phone conversations and notes back and forth during the school day.  I confided a lot in Mike during this time and always valued the advice he would give me because it was always very selfless.  I’d call him crying over a boy problem and instead of saying “he’s not good for you anyway, you should forget about him and go out with me” he’d console me and give me advice on how to handle the situation.  That’s something I’ll never forget about him and our friendship during those early years.

I think that’s one way we are friends to each other now.  When listening and offering advice and support and helping each other with decisions, I’ll take into consideration what Mike wants and what will make him happy and encourage him to make that decision even if it’s not my first choice.  And Mike will do the same.  As Mike just put it simply: you’ll support even if you disagree.

We’ve also become friends in a more fun sense.  We’ll do things together and spend time together as friends and not necessarily in a romantic way.  Mike will watch the Kardashians if I want to and we spent Sunday morning eating breakfast on the couch and watching a movie even though that’s not really my thing. We’ll go for a frisbee toss, or I’ll join him on a run.

What are your thoughts on couple-friends?

Couple-friends are a win-win!  I get to spend time with my husband and I get to hang out with my friends–two of my favorite things in one.  I love double dates. It’s really fun to be in a social setting with Mike.  While I make a concerted effort to see my friends, I sometimes unintentionally isolate Mike from my girlfriends because I so cherish girl time and then we’re really not in groups of people together very often. Couple friends allow us to be social together.

Friends that are friends with both of us are also amazing.  We don’t have a ton of these but it’s nice to have mutual friends that we both have individual relationships with.  Most of our mutual friends are guys. Not surprising as I sequester my girlfriends to myself.

Talk to me:

How are you a friend to your s.o. or how is your partner a friend to you? I’m honestly still thinking about my answer to this question.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what it means to be a friend and so I’m trying to evaluate my answer based on a definition I haven’t yet solidified.  I’m also having a hard time differentiating friend behaviors with husband behaviors–like where is the line? Our relationship is so rooted in friendship that it’s hard to know where one ends and the other begins. 

Thoughts on couple-friends?


I’m always open to more questions for two questions on Tuesdays.  Feel free to ask questions in the comments or on my Facebook page.  And if you haven’t done so already, like the page will ya?

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy September 5, 2012 at 11:23 am

I can kind of relate with your answer to that question. Our relationship began as a long distance one, so we really had to develop a solid friendship before anything else.


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