my brave husband and the conversation no woman wants to have

by Joanna on July 16, 2013

A Tuesday night cuddling on the couch turned into a conversation no woman wants to have.

Mike: Want to go to the gym with me in the morning?

Me: No. No gym for me.

Mike: Yeah, I noticed you haven’t been to the gym in a while.

From there, he went on to express concern about my sabbatical from the gym and my subsequent weight gain and the impact of both on my health.

I’m speechless. This is a girl’s worst nightmare. I think I almost laugh because I feel so uncomfortable. I don’t know what to say.

Part of me is frustrated. Part of me is just so embarrassed. And I’m like crap, what am I supposed to do with this information?

I don’t want what I do or do not eat* and how often I exercise to be about my husband. I want it to be about me. Decisions I want to make for myself not because I want a pat on the back.

I thanked Mike for saying something. It’s something I’d been feeling myself–that my body wasn’t where I wanted it to be. I’d been feeling fat. Most of my clothes don’t fit. But I’m so focused on my business right now that I put my physical health on the back burner. I was letting myself go a bit. I also acknowledged him for saying something because it takes courage to bring something like this up to your wife.

I was really stunned by the conversation and cried in bed when Mike left the room.

The next morning I felt pretty bad. I wasn’t sure what to do with this conversation. I decided to keep it to myself rather than share it with a friend on gchat or blurt it out to a colleague first thing. I wanted to take this seriously and to give myself time to process. I also didn’t want to fall into negative energy for the whole day.

I ended up telling a friend at happy hour, let myself be vulnerable and cry a little bit, share my embarrassment.

The next morning I decided I’d move more and stop eating when I feel full. I’m not going to go crazy and put pressure on myself to hit the gym every single day or go on an intense diet.

It hurt to hear that from my husband. But I’m so glad he told me. If he didn’t, who would?

I’m grateful he brought it to my attention. Literally just brought it to my attention. Now that I have this awareness, I will be more conscious about my behavior and make different choices. Actually make choices. I had gotten into the trap of not thinking about it at all.

I think what Mike did was really brave. Because that was a hard conversation to have. But he loves me and he cares about me. And I know that. This conversation demonstrates that.


P.S. Have you liked Love Always, Jo on Facebook? If, not, go over and click like now!

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jacquelyn @justjacq July 16, 2013 at 10:58 am

That’s tough. It’s good that you acknowledge how hard that was for him and that it comes from a place of love and concern and not a negative place. Don’t beat yourself up. We all have our ups and downs, me more downs than ups, and you’ll get back to it when you’re ready. And you’re right on just doing little things at first. Don’t worry!!


2 Joanna July 17, 2013 at 6:16 am

Thanks, Jacquelyn. I’m actually feeling pretty good about the whole thing!


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