feeling fear

by Joanna on October 7, 2013

I’ve been feeling really scared lately. I’m scared to start my business. I’m scared to put myself out there. What if it doesn’t work? What if I can’t support myself through coaching? I feel extremely vulnerable because my business is me, is my heart. And if that’s rejected…woah. That. is. risky.

It’s amazing how things connect and work out. I remember in the first weekend of coach training, we had to pick a word from a list of self-doubts that described us. I struggled with this and felt like none of the words really represented me–I could counter them pretty easily.

But we had to pick one for the exercise so I picked fearful.

I’m just now realizing how deep my fear runs. On the surface, I’m not super scared. Fearful isn’t a word I’d use to describe myself.  But deep down, I feel fear and that fear feels really really real. It’s a pit in my stomach. One that’s been fired up for weeks now.

It’s distracting. It makes me want the comfort of home, of my mom and my siblings and my in-laws. It’s brought lots and lots of tears. It’s made me lose sleep, lose my appetite. I’m feeling antsy and physically weak. I literally want to run and hide.

The first step in moving through this is acknowledging it. Is admitting that I feel extremely scared and vulnerable. Even in writing this post, my fear is bubbling up. It’s thinking “no, don’t admit to having this. don’t hit publish.” It knows, and I know, that in writing about this, the fear will lose some of its power over me.

Thanks for reading.

Have you ever felt extremely scared or vulnerable? How did you move through it?

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy October 7, 2013 at 8:12 am

I’m job searching right now, and I feel the same way. Lots of rejection makes me fearful of the whole process. It’s humbling.

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2 Joanna October 7, 2013 at 9:49 am

Humbling is a good word to describe it. I keep thinking that this experience will make me stronger and teach me something that I really need to learn. It’s tough though!

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3 Meaghan [for a song] October 7, 2013 at 12:32 pm

Jo- did you see this post on LearnVest? “Take your time but keep moving forward” seemed to be her (successful) strategy, but she also talks about the fear of TRULY making the jump from side-project to full-time-job. Thought it was interesting and related to your path.

http://www.learnvest.com/2013/10/how-i-did-it-i-left-my-corporate-job-to-work-for-myself/?utm_source=email&utm_medium=internal&utm_campaign=Monday%20One%20Daily%202013-10-07

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4 Joanna October 8, 2013 at 7:00 am

I didn’t see that. Thanks for sharing. Great article. You’re right it seems like you just gotta keep pluggin’ along.

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