motherhood, someday

by Joanna on March 3, 2015

I’m going to throw myself into motherhood someday. I’m going to read all the books, cut all of the orange slices, kiss all the boo-boos. Someday.

But not for a little while.

It’s a big deal for me to say this. Feels like a huge admission. This is one of my biggest “shoulds.”

I always thought I’d have a baby around 27. We’ve been married for three years — shouldn’t we want to have a baby?

Until last week* I hadn’t admitted, hadn’t realized, that I don’t want a baby right now. Mike has said “a few years” to the baby question for a while now and so I just said “we’re not having a baby because Mike doesn’t want to have a baby.”

But the truth is it’s not what I want right now. And that’s ok.

It’s ok…that we said we’d have a baby by 30 and now we probably won’t.

It’s ok…that I’d like to be debt free before we start a family. (That may or may not happen.)

It’s ok…that I want to enjoy experiencing my best self for a while.

It’s ok…that I want to indulge in just the two of us for a while longer.

It’s ok. All of it is ok.

 

*I wrote this post in my journal last spring…but just got the guts now to publish it.

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